Life is so busy....and so crazy....so, I guess I can say life is so Crazy Busy! I've been working a lot....and playing even more! I must say, though I stay so busy with life, there's not really much to report. It's always just the daily in-and-out grind. I am quite excited to report that I've lost about 15 pounds in the past 2 months. I'm working out 5 days a week and feel incredible! (except that this week my body has been immensely sore beyond belief!)
I've been taking a product called Herbalife. It's incredible how it curbs my sweet tooth and is giving me the protein and nutrient I need so that I can actually develop and maintain a healthy weight. Anywho, it's something that's mind-blowing for me.
Let's see....any other updates....not really. Just living the life. Loving it. :)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Pain
So I just posted about how great life is.....this is a poem I wrote when I felt like I had no control....to show the contrast between now and then:
Lying here in my room, watching the time pass by
Minute by minute, hour by hour.
Tick tock Tick tock
Tears fill the pillow beneath my head as they
Drip, drip, drop
down my face.
My chest slowly rises as air fills my lungs
Then drops forcefully
Letting out a loud sigh as a gust of breath
blows past my lips
Agony!
My body grows numb to the surrounding conditions.
I can no longer feel myself move.
Everything is disappearing around me.
Darkness overtakes me as I begin to lose sight
of what is real.
Am I alive? Is this hell?
I am quickly reminded that life is still within me
As I feel my heart pounding
Thud, thud, thud.
Faster. Harder.
thud, Thud, THUD
What is happening to me?
This can't be real!
My thoughts quicken as the pain returns slowly to my body.
This is the feeling of an empty soul
drained of everything good.
Fighting to resist being overcome
by Satan's grasp.
I fear it is too late...
I wrote this poem in 2008 when I was coping with my divorce. I felt as though my life was ruined. Little did I know, my life had just begun. :)
Lying here in my room, watching the time pass by
Minute by minute, hour by hour.
Tick tock Tick tock
Tears fill the pillow beneath my head as they
Drip, drip, drop
down my face.
My chest slowly rises as air fills my lungs
Then drops forcefully
Letting out a loud sigh as a gust of breath
blows past my lips
Agony!
My body grows numb to the surrounding conditions.
I can no longer feel myself move.
Everything is disappearing around me.
Darkness overtakes me as I begin to lose sight
of what is real.
Am I alive? Is this hell?
I am quickly reminded that life is still within me
As I feel my heart pounding
Thud, thud, thud.
Faster. Harder.
thud, Thud, THUD
What is happening to me?
This can't be real!
My thoughts quicken as the pain returns slowly to my body.
This is the feeling of an empty soul
drained of everything good.
Fighting to resist being overcome
by Satan's grasp.
I fear it is too late...
I wrote this poem in 2008 when I was coping with my divorce. I felt as though my life was ruined. Little did I know, my life had just begun. :)
Lovely Life
Do you ever have those times in life when things are so great, that you just know something is about to come around the corner and take all the happiness you have away??? Well, I've been waiting for that to happen for the past few weeks. I am honestly at the point in my life where I finally, for the first time ever, feel like I have control over what is happening in my life....and I am calculating each step to determine what I'm going to do next. I've never felt so happy to be alive, so free, and so thankful than I do right now.
The strange thing is that nothing significant in my life has changed....sure, I'm going back to school (start Tuesday! eek!) but other than that, I go to work, come home, go to activities, stay involved in Church....I mean, nothing in my life is really extraordinary. The one thing that has changed...myself. I decided that 2011 is going to be my year. Forget about learned habits, or negative thoughts. Forget about the things I can't do, past regrets I have, and the reasons I can't move forward.....throw any negative thoughts away because I don't want anything to do with them. Just be happy. Just take every day and what is in it...accept the facts of life, cherish the happy moments in each day....and look forward to the next day. Life happens one day at a time....and no faster....so slow down and live it one day at a time.
That's not to say don't plan and don't fulfill responsibilities....do all that....and whatever other opportunities come along.
This week has been a crazy one. Sunday was church and a fireside...great day as Sundays always are! Monday, pretty ordinary. Work, family home evening, home....that's about it. Tuesday night I went out with some friends who are in town that I know from Missouri....it was so fun. :) Last night was baking with a good friend. And today.....oh what a day. Work, brownies, institute, meeting with the bishop, dishes....and yet, here I am...oh I can't forget to mention that I spoke with my two beautiful nieces this evening. Skype is the greatest invention on the globe! Yay for skype!
Anywho. Life is lovely. It's such a blessing to be where I am right now. I was promised that relief from my burdens would come.....and though I am still working my way through a few things, my life has never felt so wonderful as it does at this moment in time.
The strange thing is that nothing significant in my life has changed....sure, I'm going back to school (start Tuesday! eek!) but other than that, I go to work, come home, go to activities, stay involved in Church....I mean, nothing in my life is really extraordinary. The one thing that has changed...myself. I decided that 2011 is going to be my year. Forget about learned habits, or negative thoughts. Forget about the things I can't do, past regrets I have, and the reasons I can't move forward.....throw any negative thoughts away because I don't want anything to do with them. Just be happy. Just take every day and what is in it...accept the facts of life, cherish the happy moments in each day....and look forward to the next day. Life happens one day at a time....and no faster....so slow down and live it one day at a time.
That's not to say don't plan and don't fulfill responsibilities....do all that....and whatever other opportunities come along.
This week has been a crazy one. Sunday was church and a fireside...great day as Sundays always are! Monday, pretty ordinary. Work, family home evening, home....that's about it. Tuesday night I went out with some friends who are in town that I know from Missouri....it was so fun. :) Last night was baking with a good friend. And today.....oh what a day. Work, brownies, institute, meeting with the bishop, dishes....and yet, here I am...oh I can't forget to mention that I spoke with my two beautiful nieces this evening. Skype is the greatest invention on the globe! Yay for skype!
Anywho. Life is lovely. It's such a blessing to be where I am right now. I was promised that relief from my burdens would come.....and though I am still working my way through a few things, my life has never felt so wonderful as it does at this moment in time.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Here's to the year to come!
Well, another year has passed us by...too quickly if I might add. Throughout the past few weeks I've been thinking about what I want 2011 to be about. I am working to get back into school, I am focusing on moving more towards the things I want and need to be doing...that I've been wanting and needing to do for some time...and actually doing them. 2011 will be about me. It will be about developing the skills I feel are important--mostly related to music. I want to learn guitar. I want to improve my piano and vocal skills. It will be about becoming educated. I want to be a Human Resources Manager. It will be about developing who I am now into the person I've been wanting to become for a long time, but just haven't known how. This year, I will discover how to be exactly who I want to be....and by doing it!
I watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love last night. It was pretty inspirational and I think it was a great way to wrap up my recent thoughts about self-discovery. Julia Roberts plays a successful woman who finds herself unhappy in her marriage and decides to divorce her husband and travel the world for a year in efforts to find her passion for life again. She discovers herself and creates a balance. That's what I'm aiming for! :)
In case I haven't told you yet....
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! May this upcoming year be filled with blessings beyond measure!
I watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love last night. It was pretty inspirational and I think it was a great way to wrap up my recent thoughts about self-discovery. Julia Roberts plays a successful woman who finds herself unhappy in her marriage and decides to divorce her husband and travel the world for a year in efforts to find her passion for life again. She discovers herself and creates a balance. That's what I'm aiming for! :)
In case I haven't told you yet....
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! May this upcoming year be filled with blessings beyond measure!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Becoming a Butterfly
Here is a poem I wrote about how a person who tried to ruin me ended up giving me wings:
Like a caterpillar crawling,
Feeling oh so small
You treated me as nothing,
Laughing at my fall.
You were flying like a bird,
Picking at me with your beak.
"I am flawless," you would say,
"And you are not, but weak."
One would think it was enough,
Just to have the chance to fly;
But no, you needed even more.
You had to watch me die.
“You’re useless as a caterpillar,
You’ll never make it far.”
You tried to take control of me
But I learned who you really are.
Imprisoned by your words,
but not by my limitations;
I needed to break free from you
And your hateful provocations
While you continued with your games,
And with all that you had spoken,
I was determined not to crack;
Not to end up feeling broken.
I left behind your taunting
And your ever-present gloom
And surrounded by my loved ones,
I built a warm cocoon.
The transformation started
And the season, it was long;
And then, too late, you realized
That what you did was wrong.
So now instead of flying,
You've fallen to the ground.
And by the trap you set yourself,
You are forever bound.
Though you from when you met me
Never thought you’d see the day;
I’ve learned how to build my wings,
And now, I’ve flown away.
Like a caterpillar crawling,
Feeling oh so small
You treated me as nothing,
Laughing at my fall.
You were flying like a bird,
Picking at me with your beak.
"I am flawless," you would say,
"And you are not, but weak."
One would think it was enough,
Just to have the chance to fly;
But no, you needed even more.
You had to watch me die.
“You’re useless as a caterpillar,
You’ll never make it far.”
You tried to take control of me
But I learned who you really are.
Imprisoned by your words,
but not by my limitations;
I needed to break free from you
And your hateful provocations
While you continued with your games,
And with all that you had spoken,
I was determined not to crack;
Not to end up feeling broken.
I left behind your taunting
And your ever-present gloom
And surrounded by my loved ones,
I built a warm cocoon.
The transformation started
And the season, it was long;
And then, too late, you realized
That what you did was wrong.
So now instead of flying,
You've fallen to the ground.
And by the trap you set yourself,
You are forever bound.
Though you from when you met me
Never thought you’d see the day;
I’ve learned how to build my wings,
And now, I’ve flown away.
Merry Christmas!...or Happy Holidays?
At work today I had a conversation with a girl about when its appropriate to say Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays. I understand completely her concern, as you don't want to offend people. However, to me, a person shouldn't not say "Merry Christmas" to somebody for the sake of not wanting to offend them. One of my favorite quotes, and I'm not sure who it's by, goes something like this: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
Good people everywhere feel like they have to hide their beleifs because radicals argue against it. Why can't we who are conservative express our beliefs as well, without having to fear for offending those who are so forward in their beleifs? I don't mean we have to scream them from the rooftops or have word wars between each other. What I do mean is that we each beleive something. More importantly, we each beleive IN something. Why not share with another person how Christ's life has influenced yours for the better? They may not accept or understand that, but then again, they may.
Don't get me wrong, I'm the last person to want to offend others...and I am always afraid to share what I beleive in. However, if I don't stand up for what's right....then I'm automatically standing up for what's wrong.
I was with a friend this past weekend at Wal-Mart. We were doing some Christmas shopping and enjoying each other's company. We came across these scented pine sticks that were really strong...and pretty cool. She carried one around with her throughout our time shopping. I thought she was going to purchase it. When the time came to check out, I looked around and asked her, "hey, were you going to buy that thing?" She replied, "oh, no. I put it back." I just shrugged my shoulders and completed the purchase, and we walked out of the store. After we were in the car and starting to pull away she pulled it out of her pocket and said, "don't be mad, but I took this." ....I had two choices at that point. It was only a small item. It's value amounted to maybe a quarter. I could have driven away and forgotten about it...after all, it was so menial, right? Wrong!
Immediately, I stopped the car. I explained to her how uncool it was that she took it and that no matter how small the item was, it didn't make stealing right. After discussing this with her for a few minutes, she asked, "So what should I do, just bring it back into the store?" I told her, "That's what I would do." So, she ran back in and put the item back.
Today at work, she messaged me and told me that she was going to do something good for somebody else and that it was a direct result of the good influence I had on her.
Now, I'm not saying this to show how "holy" I am....I have a lot to improve upon myself. What I'm saying is that because I stood up for what I felt truly to be right, it influenced one more person to do at least one good deed for somebody else. That is what Christmas is about. That is what Jesus Christ is about.
I think because I'm so chill about other things, my friend thought I'd be chill about this "small" wrong doing. How sad it is that it took her stealing from a store for her to learn that I didn't beleive in that behavior...though now she knows. I think of this and wonder in what ways I can be more bold in my testimony of the Gospel. It's hard for me to share my beleifs and not feel overbearing. However, if I do something small each day to remind others that I am a follower of Christ...be it saying something kind or asking someone (kindly of course) to not engage in a certain kind of behavior when I'm around, or even when I walk around work smiling! :)
On a lighter note, I love the Christmas season with all it's ugly sweaters and chocolate noggers (my own creation of chocolate ice cream mixed in a blender with ice and eggnog...not too original, I know)....I love the feeling of joy and peace that seems to take hold of the world and everyone in it! Christmas is truly a time to celebrate Christ's birth and life. I hope everyone will be able to enjoy the season and remember that Jesus is the one whose birth we're celebrating!
Good people everywhere feel like they have to hide their beleifs because radicals argue against it. Why can't we who are conservative express our beliefs as well, without having to fear for offending those who are so forward in their beleifs? I don't mean we have to scream them from the rooftops or have word wars between each other. What I do mean is that we each beleive something. More importantly, we each beleive IN something. Why not share with another person how Christ's life has influenced yours for the better? They may not accept or understand that, but then again, they may.
Don't get me wrong, I'm the last person to want to offend others...and I am always afraid to share what I beleive in. However, if I don't stand up for what's right....then I'm automatically standing up for what's wrong.
I was with a friend this past weekend at Wal-Mart. We were doing some Christmas shopping and enjoying each other's company. We came across these scented pine sticks that were really strong...and pretty cool. She carried one around with her throughout our time shopping. I thought she was going to purchase it. When the time came to check out, I looked around and asked her, "hey, were you going to buy that thing?" She replied, "oh, no. I put it back." I just shrugged my shoulders and completed the purchase, and we walked out of the store. After we were in the car and starting to pull away she pulled it out of her pocket and said, "don't be mad, but I took this." ....I had two choices at that point. It was only a small item. It's value amounted to maybe a quarter. I could have driven away and forgotten about it...after all, it was so menial, right? Wrong!
Immediately, I stopped the car. I explained to her how uncool it was that she took it and that no matter how small the item was, it didn't make stealing right. After discussing this with her for a few minutes, she asked, "So what should I do, just bring it back into the store?" I told her, "That's what I would do." So, she ran back in and put the item back.
Today at work, she messaged me and told me that she was going to do something good for somebody else and that it was a direct result of the good influence I had on her.
Now, I'm not saying this to show how "holy" I am....I have a lot to improve upon myself. What I'm saying is that because I stood up for what I felt truly to be right, it influenced one more person to do at least one good deed for somebody else. That is what Christmas is about. That is what Jesus Christ is about.
I think because I'm so chill about other things, my friend thought I'd be chill about this "small" wrong doing. How sad it is that it took her stealing from a store for her to learn that I didn't beleive in that behavior...though now she knows. I think of this and wonder in what ways I can be more bold in my testimony of the Gospel. It's hard for me to share my beleifs and not feel overbearing. However, if I do something small each day to remind others that I am a follower of Christ...be it saying something kind or asking someone (kindly of course) to not engage in a certain kind of behavior when I'm around, or even when I walk around work smiling! :)
On a lighter note, I love the Christmas season with all it's ugly sweaters and chocolate noggers (my own creation of chocolate ice cream mixed in a blender with ice and eggnog...not too original, I know)....I love the feeling of joy and peace that seems to take hold of the world and everyone in it! Christmas is truly a time to celebrate Christ's birth and life. I hope everyone will be able to enjoy the season and remember that Jesus is the one whose birth we're celebrating!
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