So I just posted about how great life is.....this is a poem I wrote when I felt like I had no control....to show the contrast between now and then:
Lying here in my room, watching the time pass by
Minute by minute, hour by hour.
Tick tock Tick tock
Tears fill the pillow beneath my head as they
Drip, drip, drop
down my face.
My chest slowly rises as air fills my lungs
Then drops forcefully
Letting out a loud sigh as a gust of breath
blows past my lips
Agony!
My body grows numb to the surrounding conditions.
I can no longer feel myself move.
Everything is disappearing around me.
Darkness overtakes me as I begin to lose sight
of what is real.
Am I alive? Is this hell?
I am quickly reminded that life is still within me
As I feel my heart pounding
Thud, thud, thud.
Faster. Harder.
thud, Thud, THUD
What is happening to me?
This can't be real!
My thoughts quicken as the pain returns slowly to my body.
This is the feeling of an empty soul
drained of everything good.
Fighting to resist being overcome
by Satan's grasp.
I fear it is too late...
I wrote this poem in 2008 when I was coping with my divorce. I felt as though my life was ruined. Little did I know, my life had just begun. :)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Lovely Life
Do you ever have those times in life when things are so great, that you just know something is about to come around the corner and take all the happiness you have away??? Well, I've been waiting for that to happen for the past few weeks. I am honestly at the point in my life where I finally, for the first time ever, feel like I have control over what is happening in my life....and I am calculating each step to determine what I'm going to do next. I've never felt so happy to be alive, so free, and so thankful than I do right now.
The strange thing is that nothing significant in my life has changed....sure, I'm going back to school (start Tuesday! eek!) but other than that, I go to work, come home, go to activities, stay involved in Church....I mean, nothing in my life is really extraordinary. The one thing that has changed...myself. I decided that 2011 is going to be my year. Forget about learned habits, or negative thoughts. Forget about the things I can't do, past regrets I have, and the reasons I can't move forward.....throw any negative thoughts away because I don't want anything to do with them. Just be happy. Just take every day and what is in it...accept the facts of life, cherish the happy moments in each day....and look forward to the next day. Life happens one day at a time....and no faster....so slow down and live it one day at a time.
That's not to say don't plan and don't fulfill responsibilities....do all that....and whatever other opportunities come along.
This week has been a crazy one. Sunday was church and a fireside...great day as Sundays always are! Monday, pretty ordinary. Work, family home evening, home....that's about it. Tuesday night I went out with some friends who are in town that I know from Missouri....it was so fun. :) Last night was baking with a good friend. And today.....oh what a day. Work, brownies, institute, meeting with the bishop, dishes....and yet, here I am...oh I can't forget to mention that I spoke with my two beautiful nieces this evening. Skype is the greatest invention on the globe! Yay for skype!
Anywho. Life is lovely. It's such a blessing to be where I am right now. I was promised that relief from my burdens would come.....and though I am still working my way through a few things, my life has never felt so wonderful as it does at this moment in time.
The strange thing is that nothing significant in my life has changed....sure, I'm going back to school (start Tuesday! eek!) but other than that, I go to work, come home, go to activities, stay involved in Church....I mean, nothing in my life is really extraordinary. The one thing that has changed...myself. I decided that 2011 is going to be my year. Forget about learned habits, or negative thoughts. Forget about the things I can't do, past regrets I have, and the reasons I can't move forward.....throw any negative thoughts away because I don't want anything to do with them. Just be happy. Just take every day and what is in it...accept the facts of life, cherish the happy moments in each day....and look forward to the next day. Life happens one day at a time....and no faster....so slow down and live it one day at a time.
That's not to say don't plan and don't fulfill responsibilities....do all that....and whatever other opportunities come along.
This week has been a crazy one. Sunday was church and a fireside...great day as Sundays always are! Monday, pretty ordinary. Work, family home evening, home....that's about it. Tuesday night I went out with some friends who are in town that I know from Missouri....it was so fun. :) Last night was baking with a good friend. And today.....oh what a day. Work, brownies, institute, meeting with the bishop, dishes....and yet, here I am...oh I can't forget to mention that I spoke with my two beautiful nieces this evening. Skype is the greatest invention on the globe! Yay for skype!
Anywho. Life is lovely. It's such a blessing to be where I am right now. I was promised that relief from my burdens would come.....and though I am still working my way through a few things, my life has never felt so wonderful as it does at this moment in time.
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